Feb. 2, 1908 (Sunday)
ASSASSINS KILL KING OF PORTUGAL AND HIS HEIR: A group of men lurking at a busy square rushed at the open carriage in which the royal family of Portugal was driving to the palace and opened fire with carbines yesterday in Lisbon. King Carlos and the Crown Prince Luiz Philippe (shown above as they were portrayed in today's New York Times) were each shot three times. The queen was not hurt even though she threw her body over her son. The assassinations have rocked Lisbon. It's not known at this point how many assassins participated in the attack. Two were reportedly killed by police. Another was arrested and committed suicide in jail.
"HEROIC" DOG FOOLS MANY IN PARIS: A while ago, a small child tumbled into the Seine River, just outside the outskirts of Paris. As she struggled in the water, a Newfoundland heard her cries. The dog leapt over a hedge, lumbered down the bank of the river, jumped in and pulled her to safety. The grateful father of the child presented the dog with a BEEFSTEAK, which the Newfie wolfed down.
Two days later, another child tumbled into the water. Amazingly, the same dog was in the right spot at the right time and jumped in and hauled the child to safety. The reward was the same -- a juicy BEEFSTEAK. The neighbors were pleased.
Soon, the rescues were happening EVERY DAY. Neighbors thought that a mysterious criminal was afoot and attacking the children. Residents set up a watch in an attempt to catch the villain. Soon, it became apparent that the DOG was the GUILTY ONE. Today's Times says, "Whenever he saw a child playing on the edge of the stream he promptly knocked it into the water, and then none the less promptly jumped in to the rescue."
This was, the Newfie figured, the quickest way to get a nice BEEFSTEAK.
We hope that the news was noted by Ivan Pavlov, who won the Nobel Prize in 1904.